Quit Smoking Methods
Quit Smoking Methods
Here are several sarcastic methods for quitting smoking that people have submitted to us. Remember, these are "tongue in check," so don't take these too seriously!
Families Pay the Price
by Tyler Younger
Ive found that by taking out my aggression and frustration on those that I love has made all of the difference in my struggle to quit smoking.
10 ways not to give up smoking - And one that works
10 ways not to give up smoking - And one that works Over the years I've tried many times to give up smoking. Along the way I've subjected myself to some of the 'recommended' methods. If you are thinking about giving up, here are some ways not to go about it.
Try to cut down
Use nicotine gum
Try a cigarette substitute
Try to avoid situations where you'll want a cigarette
Try to be a non-smoker
So what are you to do? I'll let you know the only method that really works. Stop buying cigarettes.
I've been nicotine free for eighteen months now. I feel great. Smoking is a filthy disgusting habit, and I'll never let another cigarette touch my lips. William Meikle http://www.willie.meikle.btinternet.co.uk
A Sure Cure, But is it Worth It?!?!?!
chop off head
Halifax, West Yorkshire
The best way is to be ready for when the opportune moment arrives, such as : being shipwrecked and surviving for 2 months on a raft ; alone on the Moon with limitless supply of oxygen (but no smokes); sitting on a pillar (can be cigarette-shaped) in the desert for 40 days and nights ; being imprisoned in a padded cell with straitjacket ; on a desert isle with 20 cartons but...no matches ; a rainy night so you can't be bothered to get sopping wet just to satisfy that relentless never-off craving and then, THEN you decide...!
Big as a Bear
all you have to do is eat lots and lots of really fatty foods until you look like a big fat grissily bear. i mean when i used to smoke i weighed 7st, and look at me now! i only weigh a little extra. 13st to be exact! it has to be said, its the best method ever.
by Arlene Alderbury
I started by adding Doritos to my diet. I found that they suppressed my addiction to nicotine. So, I quit smoking, and THEN I quit eating Doritos. Now, I'm thin and smoke-free!
by Shaun Floyd
I HATE SMOKING, NOW I LOVED IT FOR A LONG TIME, NEVER COULD GET ENOUGH AS A MATTER OF FACT I FOUND IT SLIGHTLY EROTIC IN A WAY, BUT THATS OVER NOW! YOU THINK IT IS HARD TO QUIT? WELL, DO WHAT I DID NOW EVERYTIME I GET A CRAVEING TO SMOKE I CUT MYSELF WITH A HUNTING KNIFE AND BE SO CONCERNED WITH STOPPING THE BLEEDING I WOULDN'T SMOKE!IT TAKES ABOUT A MONTH USING MY METHOD AND THE SCARS NEVER GO AWAY BUT I FEEL ALOT BETTER THAN I DID!
Get Hit With a Bat
I have no method, only theory. I have set my quit date for the 4th of February, 02, day after Superbowl, even though Titans, SF, Green Bay, and Raiders won't be in it. My theory is there should be a business where you can rent a 200 pound buffed person, with a big bat, or a 150 pound person with big bat (that would be a discount). Everytime you went to light up, wack. After a day or two, that might work.
by Greogory Humphry
I know this is going to sound weird but it works it really works.Every time i wanted a smoke i took it out of the pack lite it as if i were going to smoke ' but what i would do is hold the ciggert tightly in the palm of my hand till it burned my flesh tremendously.after a few weeks of this I didn't even want to pull a smoke out anymore not to metion my hands were coverd in third deegre burns and they had to be wrapped in bandages and couldn't lite a smoke the weird part about it when my hands finally healed i did't crave a smoke but i had a unincasheable urge to burn my hands... Sound twisted and you say to yourself that you couldn,t go and burn your hands like that.But think of it this way the chemicals and tar in ciggeretts is like fire to your lungs and to finsh this let me ask you are not going to go burn your hands so why would you go burn your lungs. Pleases quit only you can prevent lung fires. smokey weeps for you.
Sew Your Mouth Closed
sew your mouth closed, tie your hands behind you
Slice That Monkey Off Your Back
by J. Alfred Prufrock
New York, New York
My method was really quite simple. When I vowed to myself and family that I would finally cease the disgusting habit I knew I would have to taper off somehow. However, I still wanted punish myself in some way for smoking these last cigarettes. So I carried a thin razor blade in the cellophnae of pack and each time that I lit up I would take the razor and make a long gash in my forearm. As this routine continued I began to associate the thought of sparking a butt with the sensation of hair-thin steel stirring my blood. Consequently, smoking became quite a repugnet activity and, in due time, I came to mortally fear the very sight of a cigarette pack. Over all, this method was highly successful for me and I encourage anyone to, as I phrase it, " slice that monkey off your back."
Smoke til you Choke
Here'a method that works! Just follow these steps!!!
Keep smoking until you start:
1) gasping for air
Smoking as I'm Typing
by Johan Al
Beverly Hills, California
My method is to set your self on fire for about 20 sec;(from head to toe)-- results may vary. -this way you won't be able to touch your skin nor put a cigarette in your mouth due to severe soarness all over your skin. -in case this method has caused a sudden death--smile for you have achieved your goal. now that you are dead, not only have you quit smoking, but you also will stay quit forever due to the fact that your dead. - of course you know that the whole method is a big joke. otherwise you should seek help from specialists. - the reason why i submited this method is just to draw a smile on some people's faces including mine. - i am still trying to quit - i used all kinda methods, still no way out. but i won't give up, even though i am holding my cigarette as i am typing this, i am sure that it won't be long. i WILL quit sooner or later. NEVER GIVE UP - GOD BLESS YOU FOR EVEN TRYING TO QUIT. - BEST WISHES :)
Step One: Don't Start
My Method is the best of them all......First Step: Don't NOT start smoking.....If you follow the step you will never have trouble with smoking butts but you'll kick butts. Thank You
|Home | Submit Your Method | Helpful Resources | Contact Us|
Use of this site constitutes understanding and acceptance of this disclaimer
© Copyright 2004-2012 QuitSmokingMethods.com
How to Quit Smoking. This site reveals how cigarette smokers can kick the tobacco habit, and stop smoking for good.